That could have been better.
Oh well.
G'night!
7.24.2010
6.21.2010
The longest day of the year
They say today is the longest day.
I believe it too
It's what They say.
I spent time with my tears today.
I needed to.
They have a lot to say.
I've hurt the ones who care about me.
I know they still care
But I don't make it easy.
This hurt is enough.
This pain is enough.
I don't know how I've kept it up, but I'm done.
I am going to end this garbage. Things are going to change.
I swear it Will be so.
I believe it too
It's what They say.
I spent time with my tears today.
I needed to.
They have a lot to say.
I've hurt the ones who care about me.
I know they still care
But I don't make it easy.
This hurt is enough.
This pain is enough.
I don't know how I've kept it up, but I'm done.
I am going to end this garbage. Things are going to change.
I swear it Will be so.
6.20.2010
She deserves so much more.
Tiny Tawney Dancer or Tiny, as she was generally known, was a beautiful desert sand colored chihuahua.
She lived for nearly 17 years and went to places that I have never been.
She went to Alaska.
I've never been there.
She went to the top of my head.
I've never been there either.
She dug deep into the hearts of my grandparents and myself.
It turns out that there were holes in there that she filled perfectly.
I got to say goodbye last Sunday.
I caressed her.
I told her that it was ok for her to go now.
...
...
...
It still hurts that she's gone.
She lived for nearly 17 years and went to places that I have never been.
She went to Alaska.
I've never been there.
She went to the top of my head.
I've never been there either.
She dug deep into the hearts of my grandparents and myself.
It turns out that there were holes in there that she filled perfectly.
I got to say goodbye last Sunday.
I caressed her.
I told her that it was ok for her to go now.
...
...
...
It still hurts that she's gone.
R.I.P. Tiny Tawney Dancer
My dog died on Thursday.
I found out today.
She was very special.
I might not be here today if she had not been there then.
I found out today.
She was very special.
I might not be here today if she had not been there then.
3.19.2010
1.08.2010
The sun yet shines
So it seems that Steve may have a fair chance at recovery.
One of my other co-workers who knows Steve outside work went to visit Steve. And he plans to continue to visit daily in the short term. He'll adapt his schedule as Steve improves.
But the good news is that Steve has been able to raise his right leg so that his foot is 8-10 inches off the bed. Also he was able to clearly say a couple of simple words, and with damage to the left hemisphere of the brain that is fantastic progress.
Fight on Steve.
Today at work a couple of the women went and got a card for Steve. And a small gift. And they said they were collecting donations.
Around Christmas all of us got $10 gift cards for gas from work. Everyone who still had one pulled it out and gave it away.
Then there was the cash. By the time the collecting was done there was over $300 collected. I didn't say anything at work, but my contribution was a Christmas present.
Every year I get $100 from Grandma. Normally I use it to buy something fun or functional. A game, a toy, clothes, etc. but I hadn't figured out what to do with it yet this year. Then came Steve's situation. My signature went on his card and my $100 bill went into the donations.
Then as several of us co-workers were chatting we realized that Steve had some good pictures of his kids on his cube and we should try to get them to his bedside. I remembered that I had a picture frame in my drawer. (Strange right? See, I'm a packrat. The frame was from 2 or 3 years ago. It had a small demotivational image and caption in it. I didn't want it on my desk anymore, but I wanted to keep it at work, so I put it in my drawer. If you don't like that you can just......) So we took the best pictures he had of his kids and we put them in the frame to send to him with the card, the cards, the money... and the love.
It will help.
I just know it.
One of my other co-workers who knows Steve outside work went to visit Steve. And he plans to continue to visit daily in the short term. He'll adapt his schedule as Steve improves.
But the good news is that Steve has been able to raise his right leg so that his foot is 8-10 inches off the bed. Also he was able to clearly say a couple of simple words, and with damage to the left hemisphere of the brain that is fantastic progress.
Fight on Steve.
Today at work a couple of the women went and got a card for Steve. And a small gift. And they said they were collecting donations.
Around Christmas all of us got $10 gift cards for gas from work. Everyone who still had one pulled it out and gave it away.
Then there was the cash. By the time the collecting was done there was over $300 collected. I didn't say anything at work, but my contribution was a Christmas present.
Every year I get $100 from Grandma. Normally I use it to buy something fun or functional. A game, a toy, clothes, etc. but I hadn't figured out what to do with it yet this year. Then came Steve's situation. My signature went on his card and my $100 bill went into the donations.
Then as several of us co-workers were chatting we realized that Steve had some good pictures of his kids on his cube and we should try to get them to his bedside. I remembered that I had a picture frame in my drawer. (Strange right? See, I'm a packrat. The frame was from 2 or 3 years ago. It had a small demotivational image and caption in it. I didn't want it on my desk anymore, but I wanted to keep it at work, so I put it in my drawer. If you don't like that you can just......) So we took the best pictures he had of his kids and we put them in the frame to send to him with the card, the cards, the money... and the love.
It will help.
I just know it.
1.07.2010
There is no joy in Mudville.
There might not be any joy anywhere.
I started the job I work in 8.5 years ago.
For the first 4 years my cube neighbor was Steve.
Then work moved and he wasn't my neighbor anymore.
Then 3 years later he became my neighbor again.
He has been my neighbor for the last 1.5 years.
Today I found out that he is very sick.
He had bleeding in his brain.
He had a stroke.
If he's older than 40, it can't be by much.
As far as I know he is conscious.
And minimally responsive.
Paralyzed on his right side.
He is divorced but has primary custody of his son (5) and daughter (13?).
His father is in treatment for cancer.
Money was tight.
Why?
Why does the world have to be so cruel.
Here we have a man trying as hard as he can to take care of his kids...
And he is struck down.
Regardless of how this all ends... His life changed forever yesterday.
He will never be the same.
I want to say it's not fair.
But I already know that this world isn't fair.
Sometimes I wish I believed in a god so I could blame someone for this.
Impotent rage is just so useless.
I started the job I work in 8.5 years ago.
For the first 4 years my cube neighbor was Steve.
Then work moved and he wasn't my neighbor anymore.
Then 3 years later he became my neighbor again.
He has been my neighbor for the last 1.5 years.
Today I found out that he is very sick.
He had bleeding in his brain.
He had a stroke.
If he's older than 40, it can't be by much.
As far as I know he is conscious.
And minimally responsive.
Paralyzed on his right side.
He is divorced but has primary custody of his son (5) and daughter (13?).
His father is in treatment for cancer.
Money was tight.
Why?
Why does the world have to be so cruel.
Here we have a man trying as hard as he can to take care of his kids...
And he is struck down.
Regardless of how this all ends... His life changed forever yesterday.
He will never be the same.
I want to say it's not fair.
But I already know that this world isn't fair.
Sometimes I wish I believed in a god so I could blame someone for this.
Impotent rage is just so useless.
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